Once upon a time, in a land where the air smelled suspiciously like Eau de Horse Poop, my teenage niece landed her very first job. No, not babysitting, not folding sweaters at the mall, not making lattes with caramel drizzle. Nope—she went straight for the shovel. That girl is out there scooping poop at a horse ranch like it’s her personal destiny. And honestly? I respect the hustle.But here’s the twist: this isn’t just a job. It’s a fairy tale. Because each horse—and one barn cat with an ego—has decided to teach her “life lessons.” And honey, let me tell you, these are the kind of lessons you don’t find on TikTok.
π΄ 1. Fiery Rockstar the Overdramatic
Imagine a horse who thinks she's auditioning for Les MisΓ©rables. That’s Fiery Rockstar. Mane toss, heavy sigh, tragic eyes—she has it all. My niece scoops her stall, and she acts like she’s cleaning up her shattered dreams. Lesson 1: When in doubt, be extra. People will either clap or feed you carrots.
π΄ 2. Stratosfear the Sweet but Sneaky
Oh, she’s cute. Stratosfear looks like a Disney princess sidekick. But behind those big brown eyes? A shirt-chewing menace. My niece turns around for two seconds, and poof—Stratosfear is snacking on her t-shirt. Lesson #2: Even angels have a little goblin energy. Guard your stuff.
π΄ 3. SW Troubadour the Wise One
This horse is basically Gandalf in hooves. Slow, wise, and not about to rush for anybody, she stares off into the distance like she's pondering the stock market. With a proverbial raised eyebrow and cynical stare of disdain with a hint of apathy, much like that of Gen X to us Millennials, SW isn't for the games. Lesson 3: Take naps. Ignore drama. Hay is enough. (Honestly, I’m considering adopting this lifestyle.)
π΄ 4. Princess Maybe Baby the Self-Appointed Queen
Yes, you read that correctly. Maybe Baby has never paid rent but acts like she owns the entire ranch. She struts. She judges. She gives side-eye so sharp it could slice through denim. Lesson 4: Confidence is 90% delusion and 10% good hair. (Or, in her case, a perfectly coiffed mane to match her invisible tiara.)
π΄ 5. Raven the Class Clown/Instigator
This one’s a menace, and she knows it. Raven thinks untying shoelaces and flipping wheelbarrows is peak comedy. My niece may disagree, but the rest of us are living for the chaos. Two weeks ago, she snuck out of the stable on ninja stealth mode while Mila was cleaning it, just to mosey over to the next stable to munch on some hay. Lesson 5: Never take yourself too seriously. Also, double-check the gate locks and your laces, kid.
True to form, no photos of Raven exist, mainly because when ninja stealth mode is activated, no one can find her.
π± 6. Whiskers the Barn Cat
And then there’s Whiskers. Lord help us. He saw my niece once and decided she was his soulmate/assistant. He supervises poop duty, twirls around her ankles like a backup dancer, and stares at her like, Yes, peasant, you may pet me now. Lesson 6: Sometimes you don’t pick your fans—they pick you, and then move into your personal space permanently.
So here’s the moral of the fairy tale: Yes, life at the ranch stinks (literally), but it also sparkles with wisdom if you’re willing to scoop it up.
And me? I’m just over here, the proud TeTe, cheering her on from a safe, poop-free distance. π
Because listen—someday she’ll be running the world with the grit she learned from Old Joe, the sass she borrowed from Stratosfear, and the sneaky survival skills she picked up from Raven. But for now?
She’s out there scooping royal turds like a boss. ✨π©ππ
And that, my friends, is how you know she’s destined for greatness.
